Just not to long ago I made a big change in my life, far as my temper, my stress, my depression, my anxiety. I was diagnosed with anxiety December 2013. When I first had an episode I was at the mall shopping for a birthday outfit, and I swear it was the worst, I didn’t know what was going on, so I began to panic. The mall associates called the paramedics and they came immediately, everything came out fine but when I describe to them how I was feeling they explain to me what was going on. I didn’t believe it I really thought it was something else, so I called and made a doctor appointment. Before my doctor appointment I was in the car with my mom going to get food, then boom! I had another anxiety attack. This time it was worst, it felt like my heart was beating out of my chest. I completely blacked out and made my mom pullover. My mother knew about the first episode already, so she tried to do whatever she can to calm me down.
So, I end up calming down, and the next day I finally went to the doctor. I got diagnosed officially with anxiety, like it was actually on paper work, not just a verbal thing or an assumption. They offered me to see a psychiatrist and I decided to go, at first I didn’t because I thought they were trying to say I’m crazy or some kind of lunatic. I end up going to see a psychiatrist and it actually made me feel good. I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone else and when I did I felt like no one understood me, like it was weird. When I went to my meetings I actually felt safe, I felt less depressed.
So, after my meetings I did okay. Sadly, some months later I end up having another anxiety attack, but a slight one. I began to start doing my own techniques to cope with this disease. Finally, I figured it out, once I learned how to cope with it, I haven’t had an episode since the year of 2016.
Now, In 2017, I started to get depressed. I went through depression badly, at times I didn’t even want to talk to no one or even be around no one. I was angry, and depressed all the way to this year. I could never understand why, I use to ask myself, I prayed, I even tried to talk to someone. Nothing worked. I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere in life fast enough, I had no patience, I didn’t feel like I was good for no one, it was really bad. I went from weighing 150 to 230 pounds, for my height which is 5’7, 230 pounds is a lot. It was all weight from depression, I would eat all day even before bed. I didn’t want to work out or nothing, I went from healthy& fit to unhealthy and over weight. This year 2018, is way better but yes it started off bad, now I am happy as ever, although I’m no where I want to be yet, I finally pushed myself to go hard for what I want, strive for success, and never give up. I can truly say these last two months has been the best for me, and I can’t thank the man above enough.
I learned a lot through out my depressing journey, and that is to not let nothing bring me down, and to keep myself up high, be a leader, and let go of people that is no good for me. I realize I need positive vibes, people that genuinely love me and that will support me, and to stay positive at all times, even when I feel like something isn’t going right.
💋💋💋💋🎀 -SB
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